The Demented Adventures of Quinn and Valor
by vaolnb
Summary: In this universe Valor is a figment of Quinn's imagination and so she runs around Valoran doing stupid things because she's crazy. enjoy. This sin't a serious fanfic so just kick back and laugh a bit.
1. Chapter 1

Quinn awoke to blood and dust scattered around her, her head hurt like a bitch! Regaining her vision, she glanced around her, taking in the sounds, sights and smells. **she thought aloud, cocking her head the way a confused bird would right before it lost it's virginity. That faggoty bird could get lost in the strangest of places and Quinn often wondered if she should just end him for the hell of it, but no. She couldn't. She needed him to teach her how to fly, and he was the only one who hadn't given up on her as of yet. She had tried to fly on her own many times, but with each attempt she came crashing into the ground and into a hospital bed. Sometimes she **

**believed that she was just a completly batshit insane, but the voices inside her ass always told her otherwise, and if she couldn't trust her ass then who could she trust? After what seemed like years of searching, she finally found the birdbrained fucker. He was lying half dead in the cave at the opposite corner of the dusty room she had awoken in. she screamed at him, making a retarted hand gesture resembling a chicken flapping its wings. The bird sqwuaked weakly and began limping away from her. He cawed in disgust. she screamed at it as she threw her beak-shaped dildo at his head, knocking him unconscious in the process. she said. A dead bird couldn't teach her to fly after all. She shoved the avian into her bag and began pacing towards the window beside the door. Why use the door when there is a dangerous window to go through? Of course! She jumped out of the window, sailing 71 feet into the moat below. she said as she pulled the bird who was now half drowned out of her soggy ass. she screeched, a widespread smile upon her face. The bird merely twitched and farted. As they began walking towards the sunset, the bird squawked at her, letting her know that she was going the wrong way because she was just a dumb ass bitch. She simply winked at his right ass cheek, fapping merrily down the road and singing Space Jam as loudly as humanly possible alongside her overly abused parrot. She had been walking for 4 hours before someone caught sight of her. The last thing she heard before the darkness was a loud screech from her companion, Valor, and the sound of a cactus being violently dragged across the dirt road..**


	2. Chapter 2

Quinn once again woke up the the smell of blood and the feeling of burlap on her face."Thats odd" She thought, she hadn't visited her local dominatrix in days and last she checked Urgot wasn't into this type of thing. She felt for a dildo-firing crossbow she always had tucked in her waistband, smiling as the familiar shape was resting there assuringly, any bandit that had kidnapped her had to be a fool to not remove her deadiest weapon. She slowly lifted the burlap hood just enough to see her surroundings, she was in a car, in what she could only assume was the trunk." Well shit" she thought as she felt around in the darkness, looking for anything that could help her. Her blood ran cold as she realized that valor was gone, and soon she began to panic, thrashing and screaming wildly as she realized her only chance at joining her brethern in the sky had gone from her. Soon the car stoped and she was violently dragged from the trunk, she winced slightly as the sun caught her eyes for the first time in what had to have been days. The hood was removed, revealing that she was in fact in the dorm of the shadow isles at the institute of war. She had planned to visit here more, but that old soggy bitch anivia refused to teach her how to fly and so she resorted to doing the only sensible thing in that situation. She raped the cryopheonix in her sleep, earning her frostbite in places which one should not have frostbite. It also earned her an expulsion from the institute until she got her shit together. "Screw them" she thought, who needs those bird hating dicks anyways? She was placed into a dark, damp room in which there was a chair, a table, and valor, who was sitting quietly in the corner rocking back and forth as his disturbed mind consumed him. Quinn smiled at the thought. Soon Mordekaiser entered the room, with his giant mace and Karthus in tow. Quinn looked at him sideways as she tried to recall exactly what he was known for, but soon remembered as she looked upon his spiky . He was the paladin of pain along with his butt buddies Karthus and Hecarim. "What do you Faggots want" She asked loudly, not even flinching as Mordekaiser slammed his massive mace down directly in front of her, smashing the table which teemo had been hiding under, crushing teemo into a fine powder.(FUCK YOU TEEMO)."FOOL" Mordekaiser rumbled, looking upon the nutjob of a woman before him. He had many horrible things planned for her, but first he had to ask her about her ambitions."Why do you insist on flying even though your human form does not allow such things". She mearly smiled at him and said" Valor's teaching me, just ask him" she said gesturing to the demented bird as it cowered before her. Mordekaiser was confused as there was nothing but a retarted spider in the corner before him. "You're going to learn how to fly from a spider?" he asked in a voice that sounded like he was trying to keep from laughing, but Quinn looked at him strange and said what do you mean, that is a demacian eagle not a spider you smelly walrus cunt!" Just as Mordekaiser was about to show her the meaning of pain, a loud yodeling could be heard outside the door, causing mordekaiser to look over. Quinn smiled and began fapping, for she knew what was about to happen."It'll all be ogre soon" she giggled."UW0TM8" Mordekaiser cried, as agreen blur knocked him flat on his ass, causing him to lose his grip on his mace. Karthus cried as Shrek came to him and impaled him with his onion rod, laughing maniaccly all the while. "It's all ogre now" he said soothingly as the light faded from Karthus' eyes, he then turned to Quinn who was still fapping and said "ayy, you be an ogre to me" then began to walk towards her. He lowered himself onto her ever so gently and stuffed an onion into her mouth. "bite the onion, im going in dry" he cried as he unceremoniously impaled her anus on his onion rod, laughing as Quinn made retarted shmeargeh noises into the onion, as he mercilusly pounded her for hours. Finally it was ogre and Quinn was happy, "I knew Shrek would come to me in my hour of need" she giggled to herself, scooping up valor on her way out. "now back to the peaks of infinite fagwinism" she cried gleefuly as she began skipping down the shit brown road that led to her final destination. 


End file.
